I feel like whenever I post in here, I'm mostly ranting about hating Raleigh. I really don't hate Raleigh. I like the city; it's a nice city. I just don't LOVE it I guess. Plus, it's not home. Anyway, an article in the newspaper this week confirmed a suspicion I have long held about Raleigh. Out of the 52 largest metropolitan areas in the country, Raleigh was ranked the 6th most dangerous city in the country for pedestrians. What a surprise that was. Ever since I moved here, I have hated how pedestrian-unfriendly this city is. Most streets don't have sidewalks. Many streets are 5 to 8 lanes across (sometimes even more) and very few have crosswalks. As the more indepth article at t4america.org points out, the most dangerous cities are largely in the west and southeast because these cities were largely developed within the last 20-30 years when streets have mostly just been developed for cars, unlike many streets in the northeast which were developed long ago to handle horses and buggies and stuff.

Now I just need the stats to also show that Raleigh is also a very dangerous city for drivers as well. It's not very often in the Cleveland news that I heard of fatal car accidents. However, fatal car accidents seem much more common here in Raleigh. I can't help but think that the much higher speed limits have something to do with it. Although I have become more used to the speed limits here, for about the first year I lived here it was very scary. It felt very unsafe, especially when you aren't familiar with where places are located. Looking for stores or reading street signs when whooshing past them at 45+ miles per hour is not easy.

I can't wait to finish school and start looking for a new job. I really would like to find a job back in Ohio. Raleigh offers nothing to keep me here. I keep reading about all the growth plans the city has for improvement, but all those plans won't be completed for years, it not decades. And frankly, I feel very uncomfortable raising any children here, Partly because of the pedestrian safety issues. When I was a kid, I walked or rode my bike everywhere. Here in Raleigh, not only is walking or riding your bike dangerous, there also nothing to ride your bike to. We don't live close to any libraries, parks or swimming pools. It's not like Raleigh has much of these things to begin with. The middle school and high school are extremely far away too. Which gets into an even bigger problem I have with raising any kids here. The school downright suck. Raleigh thinks it has good schools, but it totally does not. The schools are extremely overcrowded. One of the local high schools has housed all it's 9th graders in an old supermarket in a shopping center because there are no room for them at the regular campus with the 10th-12th graders. On top of that, US News does high school rankings, and I was checking them out recently. Instead of numerical rankings, they just do medals for schools, but I was sorely unimpressed with the schools in this area. Most of the schools in the Cleveland area got medals, even schools like Lakewood High School and John Marshall that Clevelanders would not consider the best schools in the area got medals. Only TWO schools in the entirety of Wake County got medals, Raleigh Charter School and a high school in Cary. That's just sad. It's especially sad that only one school in all of Cary got a medal. Cary is considered a more wealthy and affluent town and they have several high schools there. Yet only ONE of their high schools got a medal? Something just doesn't add up here.

I've been really bad about posting lately, but I suppose that is one good thing I can think about. I certainly will have more time for posting in the coming months. I was supposed to graduate with my MSN in December, but thanks to the program director that won't be happening. I took my women's health class over the summer, but my preceptor has been a royal pain the *ss and is making me do extra clinical hours. I started my pediatrics class this fall but was told that since I am not done with my women's health clinical hours, I cannot continue with the peds class this semester. So I had to drop peds. Unfortunately, the peds class is only offered in fall semester. So after this fall semester, I will not be doing anything for school until next fall when I get to take my very last class. This totally sucks. I don't necessarily mind not graduating this December, but to not even be able to graduate in May sucks. I try to look for the bright side of everything though. So the few sunny rays I now see are that won't be commiting academic suicide this semester with the original 8 credits I was registered for (that's a lot when that includes clinical hours and trying to continue to work part time). I also now have the opportunity to buff up my resume by concentrating more on my work. School has put me very far behind at work in terms of staying up to date on continuing education and work projects. I also now have more free time to hang out with friends and to do work around the house that I've been wanting to do but haven't had time for. Mainly, Brian and I want to put in flower beds around the perimeter of our house. We met with a woman at a local garden center today, and she gave us many great ideas. Hopefully, Brian and I will have some time to get started this Sunday. I am really excited about this Saturday too. Lisa, Brian and I are planning a beach trip to Carolina Beach. I have found that September is a good time to go to the beach here because it's still really warm but as school has started back, it's not so crowded. This looks like it will be the last beach trip of the year, so I hope it will be a good one.

I could kill my husband. A few days ago, he suggested I apply to jobs all over, not just in Raleigh, for when I finish school in December (keep your fingers crossed). I have lived in Raleigh for 2 years now, and I have yet to be homesick. For a few months when I first moved here after a short honeymoon phase, I was annoyed with Raleigh, but I wouldn't say I was homesick for Cleveland. Now, for the past couple of days, I am feeling truly homesick. I don't think I felt homesick before because I was in the mindset that IF Brian and I ever moved back to Cleveland, it would not be for years to come. But now that the possibility exists that we could move back, I want nothing more than that. Brian says that he is fine with living in any big city with professional sports teams that is in the Northeast or Midwest. I just want to move to any big city north of the Mason-Dixson line. I'm okay with staying in Raleigh if that's what happens, but the more I think about it the more I miss home. It would even be great to move to Pittsburgh so that we are only a couple hours away from our families. Once I am done with school, I want to start thinking about having kids in another year or two, and it would be nice to be by my family for support and more frequent visits. Also, the more I think about it, the more I can't help but feel that if I leave Raleigh, I really won't miss it all that much. Brian and I have made a lot of friends here, and I would miss them, but we have friends in Cleveland too. And as for lifestyle and things to do, Cleveland has all that I want to see or do but I feel like Raleigh lacks a lot of great things that Cleveland has. Perhaps the only thing I would miss would be living 2 hours away from the beach, and the fact that the Atlantic Ocean is very warm for swimming. But in Cleveland, you can have a hottub in your backyard and it actually makes sense because it is too darn hot here to want to be in a hottub. I might also miss the springs here. I used to hate spring in Cleveland because it's still winter in spring, but the weather in Raleigh is soo beautiful in spring. It's my new favorite season. Unfortunately, that comes at a price. The summers are scorching here. It's tooo hot. I'm miserable in the summer. The fall is nice but not all that great because going pumpkin picking in shorts and sweating in October just feels so wrong. The fall colors aren't as pretty either when the trees finally decide to change color in November. It's nice not to have to worry so much about driving to work in the snow here, but Christmas feels weird without snow, and North Carolina drivers can't drive even when the grounds are wet from falling snow that melts as soon as it touches the asphalt. At least Ohioans don't freak out over snow and run to the grocery store to stock up on all the "white items" (milk, eggs, bread) when there is even a threat of snow in the forecast. I sometimes think North Carolinians create more traffic problems on their own then those caused by the weather.

A lot of people bash Cleveland for not being a great city, but it is a great city for it's size. It's not NY or LA, but if you want NY or LA, then f*cking move there. I miss the food and culture. The only food and culture in Raleigh is Southern food and culture. Puke. I miss the traffic where drivers are moderately intelligent and roads make sense. I miss the infrastructre that was actually planned.  I miss the better version of 4 seasons. I used to think summers in Cleveland were too hot, but now I realize they are fine. 90+ degree temps every day suck. I miss the museums. I miss the people and the way they talk. There are a lot of Northerners here, but I still cringe whenever I hear "y'all." I cringe even more when I hear Southern redneck hick dialects with the use of such words as "fixin'," "young'uns," and "mi ma." That last is pronounced "me maw," and it's redneck for grandmother. I miss a downtown that actually has more than 2 skyscrapers. I miss the endless source of water; North Carolina is a very drought-prone area so we have all kinds of stupid water restrictions. I miss houses that have places for storage, basements, and two car garages that actually hold 2 cars and the lawnmower. I need to stop writing before I make myself even more homesick.

Supposedly, I will be finished with school in December. I feel like I have senioritis because of this and because I rarely ever hang out with other friends who are in school, so I have no motivation to do school work when no one else around me is doing school work. I am so scared about being out on my own. I feel like I have learned a lot in my MSN program, but at the same time, I feel like I know nothing. I have a very real fear of messing up and hurting somebody. Of course, that leads to lawsuits, which are no picnic either. Have worked as a pediatric nurse the past couple of years, I feel a little more comfortable with children and their health issues, but I feel so clueless about some adult-specific health issues. Working in peds, I almost never see heart medications (blood pressure, blood thinners, anti-arrhythmics), so I really don't feel comfortable at all with those types of problems. Hopefully, I can find a job where I will either: a) not have to deal with such problems, or b) find a job that teaches me all I need to know about them.

That's the next scary thing: finding a job. I was only planning on looking for jobs in the Raleigh area because Brian's job is here, but last week he told me I really should apply everywhere. You never know how much money, etc somebody might be offering. I've heard that nurse practitioner positions often start at around 70-75K here, and the North oftens pays much better than the South. I work with a nurse from Toledo who knows a family nurse practitioner who works 3 days a week in a doctor's office in Sandusky making 105K per year. I think I would be willing to move just about anywhere for a 6-digit salary. So thus, I will apply to jobs in Cleveland and other major cities up North (minus New York because that's just too damn expensive) along with the Raleigh area. We'll see what happens. Of course, this is all assuming I even graduate this December. I am sick of being in school, but I am so scared to be on my own so soon.

School has me so exhausted on top of working part time. I am only taking one class this summer (women's health). As I took the final exam last week, I was hoping to have a couple weeks of some relaxation because fall classes start up. I am learning that is not to be the case. I have a class that begins on August 31st, and we have to have a pre-test completed before the first day of class. It's for a grade too! Each of my 20-25 classmates and I have also been assigned to give a 30 minute presentation on either the first or second day of class. My topic is biting in children. Can you believe that?! I have to give a 30 minute presentation on BITING the FIRST day of class. I am this close to wanting to strangle my professor. Who assigns tests and projects before the class has even officially begun? Where is my gosh darn break? I want a vacation dammit!

I am happy to report that the new medication my doctor started me on for my sleepiness issues seem to be working. I've been staying awake at work and at clinicals. Yay! After not hearing back from my doctor about my blood test results, I called today and was told that for the most part they were normal. The only thing off was my glucose level at 100. So they want to draw an HbA1C on me when I go for my annual physical next month. The nurse I talked to said the normal glucose range is 70-99, so 100 isn't too bad, but I need to watch my sugar intake. The thought of having pre-diabetes freaked me out, so I did some investigating to find out the exact numbers on what is considered diabetes. Low and behold I find that a normal FASTING glucose range is 70-99. I had eaten breakfast on the morning that my blood was drawn. Although not enough research has been done to determine what a normal non-fasting glucose level is, up to 140 as acceptable was one guideline I found. I'm going to have my blood drawn again next month and that will be fasting, so while I know I should watch my sugar intake (and I will), I am not going to freak out until I have the results of the fasting glucose and the HbA1C. I feel I really am learning something in school now. If it wasn't for being a nurse and an NP student, I might actually have let that nurse really scare me into thinking I have pre-diabetes. It wouldn't be the first time someone mistakenly scared me about test results. A number of years ago when I had blood drawn they told me I was anemic. A few minutes later, the doctor said, oops, he read it wrong.

So it seems like a failed a class this semester, and all because I failed the one big paper for the class. I should have gone to the professor more to have her look over my progress, even though it's not easy to do that when you are in a distance program. However, what little feedback I got was not at all helpful. Her comments were very vague. She didn't even point out some of the major problems with my paper until she told me I had failed the paper. I hope I can retake the class in the fall with a different professor. Unfortunately, this now means I won't be graduating in December. I'm a little scared about getting kicked out of the program. I hope I can graduate next May at least. I haven't told anybody yet about all this because I'm scared and embarrassed. I think I might just tell people that I couldn't fit all my coursework in on time or some vague response like that when they ask why I'm not graduating in December.

On top of this, I am being worked up for sleep problems. I think I have narcolepsy, but who knows, maybe I have thyroid problems or something else. All I know is that I fall asleep throughout the day all the time. I first noticed it when I was in college, and I would fall asleep in class a lot. After a while, I just assumed there was nothing I could do about it so I just ignored it. For the past year, I've now started nodding off behind the wheel when I am driving home from work sometimes. Thank God I've never been in an accident. I went to the doctor for the first time about this excessive daytime sleepiness problem last week because my clinical instructor questioned me about my sleepiness in clinicals. That was really embarrassing. I haven't heard back about the blood tests they did yet. I got a medication to take in the meantime until we figure out what is going on, and it seems to be working. I just hope someone can figure out what is wrong because for years when I've mentioned this sleepiness to friends or family, they just write it off as I'm not getting enough sleep at night or some BS like that. I know it's not that. I think my grades this past school year have really suffered from this problem. I try to do schoolwork on my days off, but I end up not doing my schoolwork because I get so sleepy I have to take a nap all the time. Even after I slept in that morning. I hope my grades will improve a whole lot once we figure out what is wrong because this problem has really affected my ability to concentrate on getting my work done. I'm not sure I should tell my advisor or anyone else at school now, or just wait until someone questions me about my performance.

On top of all this, I'm getting nervous about a gazillion people coming to visit in a couple of weeks. On May 22, Brian and I are having a convalidation of our wedding vows so we can be married in the Church for our first anniversary. At first, the only people coming were going to be our parents, my sister and 2 of Brian's brothers. Somehow that number is just sky rocketing. We have Ohio friends who haven't seen our house yet who are coming, my sister is bringing a friend, and on and on. Our parents are getting hotel rooms, so what was going to be 3 guests staying in our house now appears to be 8 people. I want to clean to house so it looks nice, but at the same time I can't help but feeling like what's the point of cleaning because 8 guests will make it dirty again in less than 24 hours anyway. Also, our 40-gallon hot water tank only holds enough hot water for 2 showers. How are 10 people going to get 10 showers in one day? And this doesn't even include having to run the dishwasher for all these people. I've told people that will have to sleep on the floor, but I hope they also bring their own blankets and pillows because I don't have enough for that number of people. I'm also wondering where all these people are going to sit. We have one couch that sits 3 people in our living room. That's it. My mom is not the kind of person to sit on the floor; she has arthritis. I want all these people to come visit. I really am excited they are all coming. However, it's very stressful that they are all deciding to do it at the same time. It's not even a real wedding. It's just the religious ceremony since we were legally married last year. God, grant me patience.

Prior to moving to North Carolina, I really hated spring. It was one of my least favorite months mostly because spring doesn't exist in Cleveland too much. March and April still feel much like winter. I really enjoyed spring last year, and I really loving it again this year. I noticed this year that it felt like the beginning of spring right around the beginning of March, which is when it should start to feel like spring has arrived. The leaves have come out of the trees, everyone is planting flowers, people are cooking out of their grills. It's absolutely lovely. I'm only disappointed that my tulips never came up this year. I wonder what happened. The temperature got into the 80s yesterday, and Brian and I sat out on our back patio with the new pergola. As nice as the weather is now, I'm afraid of what's to come. The summers here are dreadfully hot. 85 is considered a "cool down" in July and August, and with it being so hot during the day in the summer, it doesn't get cool at all at night. I shall have to enjoy spring while it lasts. Brian and I planted a row of junipers along our backyard property line for a bit more pricacy. We also planted a cute magnolia next to our back patio. It has buds on it, so I hope it blooms this year. When I think of plants and the South, the first plant I tend to think of is the magnolia, so it seemed only appropriate that Brian and I plant one in our yard. Once the semester is finished, I hope to plant flower beds around the perimeter of the house. I can't wait to plant daylilies, hydrangeas, dahlias and irises.

I wish school was going better for me than it is. I feel like my grades aren't not going to be good this semester, which means I might have to repeat classes. I hope I'm wrong, but it's looking that way. I was so hoping to finish school in December. It's so depressing to think of having to be in school longer than I expected. This long distance thing is not working well for me. I am liking sitting at the computer less and less every day. If I could read from a book or do something that would allow me to sit elsewhere I would love that. I hate being relagated to my 2nd floor bonus room where my computer is to do everything. I just want to sit on my couch. I hate how computers are needed for everything anymore. Instead of using the internet, I would rather use a book or write stuff on paper. Instead of using on online discussion board, I would rather talk to people in person or at least on the phone. I'm really beginning to hate technology.

As a graduate student, I don't technically get a spring break, but I guess you could say I gave myself a mini-spring break this week. Brian and I left with four of our friends on Friday morning for a weekend trip to Savannah. I had never been to Georgia before (I don't know a lay over for a flight in Atlanta counts), so I liked traveling to someplace new. Savannah is a pretty city and I got to do a couple of things I really wanted to do while I was there. I didn't realize it, but Savannah has one of the biggest St. Patrick's Day celebrations in the county, so that's why we went there the weekend before the holiday. It was pure craziness; I've never seen so many people partying in my life. Savannah has a street right along the riverfront of the Savannah River called River Street that is lined with bars. That's wear all the partiers hang out at for St. Patrick's Day celebrating, and the partiers seems to be coming from all over too, not just the Savannah area. It was kind of like MTV Spring Break does St. Patrick's Day in Savannah. As I'm not a mega-partier of that type, I didn't care for the late night bar hopping. I'm just happy to visit a new city and getting to do a couple of the things I really wanted to do. On Saturday, we ate lunch at The Lady and Sons, which is Paula Deen's restaurant. It was really good. Brian and I ordered fried green tomatoes for an appetizer. I got chicken pot pie for lunch, and Brian ordered a meatloaf sandwich on pumpernickel. The prices were pretty decent too. Brian and I also toured the Juliette Gordon Low Birthplace. It was a very nice home, and I got a tea cup with magnolias on it and two tea bag holders from the gift shop. I also bought Samoas from the girl scout troup selling cookies on the sidewalk in front of the house.

During the first week of March, prior to my Savannah trip, I made a trip to Cleveland for my Adult nursing class. One of our lectures was on heart disease while I was there, and I think it was just the kick I needed to start making some lifestyle changes. Spring is a good time for making changes because with the weather getting nicer, it's more encouragement to get outside. I've had a gym membership for over a year now, but it's been a month since I last stepped foot in the place. I went yesterday, and now I am sore :o( I'm going to try to follow the guidelines of 30 minutes a day of exercise 5 days a week. It's just sometimes so hard to find the time when you are a student and working at the same time. I know already that my 2 days a week of not exercising will be the days I work my 12 hour shifts. Even if I work out 3 days a week, I think I will be happy. I'm also going to try to improve my diet a little. I was unaware that cheese raises your LDL cholesterol until hearing the heart disease lecture. Dairy is my favorite food group :o( But I know I need to eat more fruits and vegetables. I'm going to try to make some healthier choices eating out too. I don't eat fast food a lot, but when I eat out at restaurants I might try to substitute veggies for fries or stuff like that. I've actually been trying this last thing for a while now. A few weeks ago I ordered a Greek Chicken Pita thing at a restaurant with rice pilaf on the side. They messed up and gave me fries anyway. At least with warmer weather coming, eating more healthy foods should be easier as they come into season.

I am finally about over with my recent illness. I am still on antibiotics, and I still have a cough, but at least it is much better than it was. I'm more behind in school work than ever though. Sometimes I wonder it grad school was a good idea. I am feeling like I am not doing well, and I won't graduate in December. I might have to repeat classes. I'm getting a little freaked out by it all, and getting freaked out makes me afraid to do my school work, which puts me further behind. What a vicious cycle.

I wish other more exciting events were taking place in my life, but not much is going on right now other than work, school, and getting better after being sick for a week. Although, I suppose one good thing is that I am finally out of credit card debt after receiving my loan check for the semester. Paying for the wedding really put me behind on everything, and it's been tough trying to get out of debt. I'm even deeper in student loan debt, of course, but at least I'm out of credit card debt. So yay for that. I am even planning on opening up a savings account with some of the money I have left over from my loan check.

What a crappy week this has been for me. I've been sick since Thursday when I had the flu. I was starting to feel better on Sunday, but got sick again yesterday with some kind of evil bacterial upper respiratory infection. I've called in sick to work on Saturday and today, and I'm supposed to work tomorrow. I can only hope that the antibiotics really start to kick in by tomorrow morning. With all this time at home, you would think I could catch up on some school work, but every time I try to get some done I either start feeling very tired and weak, Blackboard crashes, or my printer decides to run out of ink. With the ink issue being my most recent problem, I am unable to do much work until I get more. I doubt I'll be able to get more until Brian gets home either because I feel too weak to drive anywhere. I've been sick for a week, and I am so sick of being sick. I have a lot of school work to do, but I'm just too tired to do it. All I seem capable of is lying down on the couch, and if I have a little energy, I pick up a book or the newspaper. I'm getting tired just typing this, but I'm so frustrated with everything that I need to vent. I am beginning to feel like I will never be better again.

Another semester has begun after a non-existent Christmas break. Between working, cleaning my house from top to bottom, throwing an awesome New Year's party, and serving as hostess for Brian's brothers visiting, it was back to school before I knew it. I spent almost 2 weeks in Cleveland for classes last month too. It was nice to be back among my fellow classmates. So far in the Master's program, anywhere from 1/4 to 3/4 of the students in my classes were in my original RN program. The class I took my first week in Cleveland didn't have a single person from my RN program. The class I took in the second week was at least 1/4 fellow classmates, and that's who it was so good to see again. I had a really rough semester in the fall with being a full time student and working full time for most of the semester. I was starting to feel like I was drowning and questioning what the heck I was doing. Being around my fellow nurse practitioner students really helped to remind me why I am doing what I'm doing. I also started my first clinicals a couple of weeks ago, so I am feeling hopeful like there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am learning so much at my clinicals. I work in pediatrics, so the adult world is a little strange to me. My clinical class this semester focuses on adults and older adults, and the nurse practitioner I am working with here in North Carolina is an Adult Oncology Nurse Practitioner. She works in an outpatient GI oncology clinic. Oncology is another thing that I feel out of my element with. It's a good experience though. GI stuff interests me. The patients at the clinic mostly have colon, esophageal, liver, or pancreatic cancer. I think I learned more about oncology in my first week of clinicals than I did in all of nursing school. The only thing I don't like is that oncology can be so depressing. On my first day, one of the physicians working with my nurse practitioner said that she had to tell every patient she was seeing that day that their cancer had progressed. I've also seen people who need to be placed on hospice. I know from nursing school that sometimes being a nurse isn't about saving lives; it's about helping people die too. I just don't want to have to deal with that all the time. Another thing I am learning from my clinicals is that I definitely want to work in an outpatient setting once I'm a nurse practitioner. I had planned on doing this from the beginning, but clinicals are definitely confirming that choice for me. The outpatient clinic setting is so much quieter and laid back than the hospital. I find hospitals to be too stressful. I can't wait to graduate in December, so I can start looking for a new job in a quieter setting.

I also wanted to mention that it has officially begun. Friends having babies. A few years ago, a friend of mine got married (like many of my friends did after college). At her house warming party a short time following the wedding, I noticed that two of the girls at the party was pregnant,, a couple more already had had a baby, and all the girls at the party were talking about babies. As this was prior to Brian and I even being engaged, I felt totally not part of the conversation. It was awkward. I was used to my friends talking about weddings, but it was the first time I had been surrounding by a bunch of people talking about babies.  Even now, many of my friends are talking about weddings. I know a ton of people that got married recently. After college, everyone talks about weddings. I feel old because now it seems I'm at the beginning of everyone talking about babies. Of all my friends, I now know one person who is expecting. I'm very happy for her, but I can't help but feeling old. I also feel a little left out of such discussions for the time being because I have no plans to have kids while I'm still in school. Maybe in a year or two I'll start thinking more about it, but for now I have as much on my plate as I can deal with.

As expected, Christmas was not so merry this year. In fact, it down right sucked. This is mostly due to my having to work night shift on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I felt like all December I was decorating and preparing for Christmas, and when I woke up on the afternoon of the 26th, it was all over. There was no climatic experience what so ever. Brian and I celebrated Christmas on the 23rd with a nice dinner of ham, pineapple, mashed potatoes, asparagus, and crescent rolls. Then we opened our presents. It was a nice day, but because it wasn't Christmas yet, it didn't feel like a real Christmas celebration. Because of the hours I worked, I didn't get to go to church for Christmas either. It was weird going to church this morning after Christmas was already celebrated and remembering that the last time I was at church it was still Advent. It feels like I started reading a book and read all the parts leading up to the climax and skipped to the last chapter without ever knowing how I got from one part to the other. With any luck, I shouldn't have to work Christmas again next year as I should be working Thanksgiving. So I am hoping that never again will I have to work at Christmas. What an awful job I have. I've noticed that all the people that work on the holidays either have really crappy unimportant jobs (eg. the cashier at the movie theater) or they have jobs that are considered so important that society would not function well without (eg. nurses, doctors, police, firefighters). I really want to have one of the in between jobs. One of those jobs that are only semi-important. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't become a veternarian or a biologist of some sort. I am often jealous of my husband and his friends (all of whom are engineers or work in finance). I'm jealous of people who have the kind of jobs where it's ok to leave work at 3pm just because you feel like it.

Just about the only good thing about Christmas this year was not having to travel. I'm getting a little tired of traveling to Cleveland all the time. Perhaps because I've flown there 4 times in a period of 4 months lately. It was nice to just hang out here in Raleigh. As much as I enjoy my life as it is now, I keep wishing I had kids so I would have an excuse not to travel for the holidays.

I had a fantastic day yesterday, and today, reality has returned and life sucks. Yesterday, Brian and I went downtown to the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences to see their Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit. The exhibit was nicely set up, and I really enjoyed it. With learning so much about Middle Eastern culture and stuff, I got a craving for Middle Eastern food. So then we ate a late lunch at Aladdin's. I was so happy. The restaurant just opened up here in Raleigh, and the guy running it is the nephew of the original Aladdin's owner in Ohio. It's so cool to have a little piece of home here in North Carolina. Tabouli, lamb and baklava. Oh my! After lunch, we went shopping at Home Depot, which isn't in itself all that exciting, but we got a bunch of stuff for little home improvement projects. It was Brian's idea to install shelves for shoe racks in our coat closet. We also got wire racks to hang from the shelves in our master bedroom closet for my sweaters, and we got a rack for hanging brooms and mops and such on the wall of our garage. Nothing major, but I think everything will help make our house a little tidier and organized, especially for Brian's shoes. I thought guys typically only owned like 3 pairs of shoes. I keep all my shoes on shoes racks in our walk-in closet, but Brian throws all his shoes on the floor of the coat closet by the front door. It is such a mess in there because of it. I swear that boy owns almost as many shoes as I do. At least with the new shoe rack in the closet, the place looks neater now.

So now on to the bad stuff. I got at least one C this semester, and I don't get reimbursed from work for classes that earn less than a B. My advisor forgot to take the hold off me for registering for spring classes, so one of the classes I was planning on taking is full. The professor for that class told me to register in summer. I was just online looking to see when the intensive (one week long class) class would be offered, and lucky me, it coincides with the day Brian and I were planning on having our religious wedding ceremony (May 22, our first anniversary). I emailed that professor back about this situation, so we'll see how it goes. Also, the one class I was able to register for spring I am having difficulty with. The course is a clinical course, so I need to work with a nurse practitioner for it. I found a nurse practitioner to work with, but Case needs to set up a contract with her employer for the clinicals. I am having a lot of difficulty finding out who to contact for this. I don't know if all the paperwork will be done by the time class starts in January. Argh. It's just one crappy thing after another. Also, this will most likely be the first Christmas ever that I don't attend church. I am desperately hoping that I will get called off one of the nights I am working.

Usually, Christmas is a happy time for me to relax. I think this is the first year ever that I don't feel relaxed. It is definitely a happy time, but I feel like such a stupid adult with worrying about getting everything done I want to get done. Taking finals up until this past Monday has not helped me to get everything done I want to get done. So here is a list of accomplishments and still-to-be-completed tasks:

Completed: decorating, gift shopping
Yet-to-be-completed: wrapping, Christmas dinner shopping, cookie making, cleaning

I wouldn't normally be too concerned about cleaning except that Brian and I are hosting a New Year's party this year, and since I am working on the 29th and 30th, I won't have much time prior to New Year's to get it done. I think some of the stress I am feeling to get things done is that because I am working night shift on the 24th and 25th, Brian and I are planning on celebrating Christmas on the 23rd. So I want to get everything done before then. Christmas is not supposed to be stressful. I hate this. I think I will just try to accomplish one task each day. If something doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. Oh well.

I think I am also a little disappointed this year. With not being in Cleveland with my family this year and because I'm working Christmas, I am not getting presents to open at Christmas. Brian's parents gave me their present while I was in Cleveland at Thanksgiving. I could have brought it back with me unopened so I could open it on Christmas, but I felt like I should open it in front of them so I opened their present 4 days after Thanksgiving. Next, Brian had my present shipped to our house. Crate and Barrel doesn't do anything to hide the big letters of their store name on the boxes, so I saw them when UPS delivered them. I don't know specifically what all Brian got me, but I do know that it is all leftover stuff from our wedding registry. Also, the one thing I really wanted but didn't get for our wedding was a KitchenAid stand mixer. Ever since the wedding, my mom had been asking me why I registered for the one I did at Dillard's when Kohl's had a model that is $50 cheaper. She has asked me this on several occassions, so when she told me last week to be expecting a box to arrive from Kohl's, I immediately knew what my gift was from my parents. If there were to be any element of surprise left, it was gone when UPS delivered a box with a big picture of a KitchenAid stand mixer on the outside of the box. It wasn't even delivered in some brown Kohl's box or something! It was shipped in original packaging. I think the only gifts I am looking forward to this year are those from my aunts. They are the only gifts that will be of any surprise.

My week is turning out to be pretty crappy so far. Between having to spend time with my family and my husband's family last week and over the weekend, I wasn't able to get all the studying done for my assessment final that I needed to do. Needless to say, I panicked and bombed the final today. I did so bad, my professor told me she would give me an "incomplete" for the semester and I will come back in January to retake the final. I used to consider this professor a mean woman, but I've learned this semester that she is actually very nice, helpful and fair. I think she was nice enough to let me retake the final because I did well on the midterm and she knows I know this stuff; I just panicked and floundered today. I know everything that I need to do, I just didn't practice enough. I think my professor was also understanding of that because she knows I live in North Carolina, so it's not like I can practice with the equipment in lab like everyone else. My goal for Christmas break now is to practice as much as I can with Brian. I think I might even go out and buy a reflex hammer so I can at least be practicing my deep tendon reflexes. I have a feeling buying an otoscope and ophthalmoscope will be too expensive. I will have to get in lab the day before my final in January to practice with those at that time.

To add crappiness to crappiness, I have a pharmacology final tomorrow and I haven't had time to finish viewing all the online lectures yet. Blackboard has been a bitch all semester, and, of course, it chooses today to be one of its malfunctioning days so that I can't do the lectures. I have never had a problem with Case's Blackboard until this semester, and this semester has been truly awful. It always chooses the worst times to not work. I've already done poorly on one online exam this semester because the professor pushed the exam back a week due to Blackboard issues, and the exam was pushed back to a time that did not work well with my schedule. It is absolutely ridiculous.

What a crappy day I am having. It's my birthday today too. I thought birthdays were supposed to be the one day of the year when everything is supposed to go your way. Let's hope that Case's help desk figures out my Blackboard issues so I can study for pharmacology.

I have a test to study for, and I know I should just be doing that instead right now. However, after my last post I've been thinking about spending holidays with family more and now I'm a tad irritated. I hate celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas in Cleveland because I can't do what I want to do. If I have to be there for either holiday instead of in my own home, I would rather spend the entire time with my own family, not Brian's. I've been splitting my time for both holidays for as long as I've been dating Brian, and I'm getting a little tired of it. It usually works out ok because Brian's family has a very casual celebration so I go over his parents' in the afternoon, and my family does a little more formal celebration so Brian comes over my parents' in the evening for dinner. But I think it's the casualness of Brian's parents' celebration that makes me take a "take it or leave it" attitude. My mom breaks out the good china and we eat dinner at the rarely used dining table. Brian's parents' break out the paper plates for Thanksgiving and Christmas (because it's "just family") and I think I've only eating at their dining table twice, ever. I guess I was just brought up feeling holidays were supposed to be more special than that. I'm getting tired of having to schedule my holidays around trying to be two places at once and spending time traveling on the actual holiday. I know it's only about a 15-20 minute drive between my parents' and Brian's parents', but I would rather not have to drive at all. I also feel bad about who stays where for the holidays. This is our first Thanksgiving as a married couple, and I we won't even be staying in the same house for it. I always stay at my parents' for the holidays and Brian always stays at his parents'. I don't know any other way we can do it. I know Brian's dad will pout if Brian stays at my parents', and I think my mom might feel like she isn't seeing enough of me if I stay at Brian's parents'. Plus, I don't have much desire to stay at Brian's parents' house. They have one shower for the entire house. I still don't know how they managed to raise 5 kids with only 1 full bath. Luckily, they were all boys. I have only one sister, and sharing a bathroom with her wasn't easy. Besides, I still take a long time to get ready in the morning. I don't want to hog the one bathroom at his parents' house. Also, I like my mom's cooking. I would rather eat her food while I am home. Brian's parents' don't always have food I like (I admit I'm picky). I really hate to bring it up too, but I don't feel very comfortable to Brian's house either. The house hasn't been updated one iota since his parents' built the house in the 70s. Some of the rooms are really quite hideous. And last I remember, the one shower in the house had a broken faucet, so Brian's dad used a standard inexpensive outdoor hose facet to replace it. I would be surprised if that shower has since been properly fixed. This isn't to say I don't also dread spending a week at my parents'. My mom lives in a constant hot flash. I thought heat intolerance was supposed to end after menopause? Thus, the thermostat is constantly set at 68 degrees. My own house is set at 70, and I'm still cold most of the time. My bedroom at my parents' house is the coldest room in the house. When I was in high schook, I remember making my bed with a flat sheet, 3 thermal blankets and a comforter. Also, my dad smokes, and I hate the smell. So it's not a real picnic spending a whole week with my own parents' either. It just stinks that even though we are married now Brian and I still are apart for the holidays as always.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week. It's getting close to the end of the semester too. I met one of Brian's coworkers last week. She's originally from Wisconsin, and I really have to agree with her that here in Raleigh the holidays really sneak up on you because it's still so warm. It was only last week that the little maples trees in our front yard decided to drop their leaves. I made plans to go back to Cleveland for Thanksgiving this year. I had to work Thanksgiving last year, so it will be nice to spend the holiday with my family this year. Unfortunately, that means I have to work Christmas this year. In a way I don't mind because as much as I want to be with my family for these holidays, traveling is a pain in the butt sometimes. I'd rather just celebrate here in my own home. I like what Brian's cowork said she does for Christmas. She travel to Wisconsin the second week of December, before her family gets too busy, and just celebrates Christmas with them then. Someday, I may do that. Eventually, when Brian and I have kids, I don't want to be traveling with them everywhere at Christmas. I would rather my kids celebrate Christmas in their own home on Christmas Day. Seeing grandparents is important,  but I think spending time with your own parents is more important for children at Christmas. If the grandparents (or aunts or uncles) want to come here, they are welcome.

Speaking of family, that was a topic at the Marriage Preparation class Brian and I went to on Saturday. I know Brian and I were already married 5 months ago, but that was only a civil ceremony. A few months before that ceremony, I had called my church about what we needed to do for a religious wedding ceremony. They told me to just call them back after we finish the civil ceremony in St. Lucia. Weird. I'm a little annoyed about that. We met with a priest late in the summer and then we found out we needed to take a marriage prep class before the religious ceremony. Brian and I wish they had at least made us take the class before the civil ceremony. It would have been helpful. Much of the information provided was still very relevant for newlyweds, and I'm glad we took the class, but I just wish we had taking it before the civil ceremony. I learned a lot in the class. My favorite part was learning that there are 5 languages of love. Everyone "speaks" or expresses love with one primary language and miscommunication occurs when couples speak different languages. Rarely does a couple speak the same language. I learned that my "language" or the way I express love is through quality time. Brian expresses love through acts of service. This really helps explain a lot. The other languages are words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and physical touch. For years, I have questioned if Brian and I are a weird couple because we don't actually say the words "I love you" very often, and I felt we were strange because I see so many other couples say it every day. After learning that words of affirmation is not a language for either of us, it made sense. It was also helpful to learn this because years ago I heard of a story of a couple that got divorced, and looking back I think it might simply boil down to the fact that they spoke different love languages. The husband told his wife every day that he loved her and that she was beautiful. The wife thought that was wonderful, but she was often irritated that her husband never helped her out around the house. One day she told him she wanted a divorce; even though they both loved each other, they seemed not to be expressing it in the same way.

Overall, another aspect of the class I liked was that it was an opportunity to stimulate conversation between couples. Every time I have asked Brian about kids, his response to every question is "I don't know." I also have difficulty bringing up financial stuff. It's not like any information if private or anything like that. It's just not always knowing how or when to bring it up. Maybe all this marriage prep stuff will make it easier. Brian and I haven't settled on a date for our religious ceremony yet, but at this point we're thinking we may just do it on our one year anniversary, May 22. It will be a short 20 minute ceremony, and I plan on only our parents coming to Raleigh for it. I was thinking that since that day is a Friday next year, we might just do an evening ceremony and then go out to dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards. I was even thinking it would wear my wedding dress again for the ceremony and change into something else afterwards. It works for me if I get to wear my wedding dress for 2 days.

Yay for the election being over. I'm sick of the ads. After spending last week at my parent's house, I am glad I don't have a land line phone in my house or I think I would go crazy with all the campaigning phone calls. Although I voted for Obama, I don't think McCain would have been bad. He is somewhat of a moderate, and I don't know if anyone could be worse than our current president. I am very glad the one person I wanted to lose lost. When I first moved to North Carolina, I was surprised to find out that Elizabeth Dole was a US senator for this state. I have always disliked the woman, so more than anything I just wanted her to lose re-election this year. Any person who thinks that the drinking age should be raised to 25 years is much too conservative for my taste and, frankly, it shows just how out of touch they are with the world. When colleges and universities around the country are starting to come together to get the drinking age lowered back to 18 because of college student drinking problems, for some old lady to think it should be raised to 25 just shows she doesn't know anything. And yay for North Carolina electing its first female governor too. That's pretty cool. Also, yay for NC voting Democrat for president for the first time since 1976. It sure is nice to have so many Yankee transplants here.

I could be wrong, but it seems like a lot of my posts are job related or about living in North Carolina and missing Ohio. I was back in Ohio last week to take a pharmacology test, and I ran in to my nursing school friend, Katie, when I went physiology class. It was good to see her again. I told her I would call her when I am back for Thanksgiving so that we can hang out. I'm excited. Anyhoo, we were asking each other about jobs, and I felt a little relieved to hear I am not alone. I like nursing, but I hate in-patient hospital nursing. It is totally not for me. Katie said the same thing about her job, and it made me feel better about not liking my job so much. I feel a little guilty that I don't like my job, but I can't help it. It's too stressful and busy, and I hate the hours. With being in school now, I think it would be too much work and effort to look for a new job, and anyway, the only other jobs I might find right now are other in-patient hospital jobs. My friend, Kayli, is a mental health therapist, and she said that her practice might be able to use a nurse because they currently don't have anyone to check the patients' physical status, like blood pressure, etc. While the hours would be better, and it might not be too stressful to just be checking patients' physical status to see if something physical might be causing the mental issues, I think working with psych patients would be the only thing worse than working with hospital in-patients. Although, out-patient psych people may not be so bad if someone is allowing them to go about their everyday lives and not be admitted to a hospital. Oh well. I just don't think that job would be for me either. My current job is very flexible with my hours. It was very easy to talk with my manager about going down to part time. I think I will just have to stick it out for another year until I finish my MSN, and then I hope to find a new job and never work in a hospital again.

As for my other popular topic, my place of residence, I have to say that I think it is growing on me. I was happy to be back in Cleveland last week, but it was nice to come back to North Carolina too. I think that fall and spring are my favorite months here. I like winter too actually. The weather is nice and cool, and it is often sunny. I love rainy days (like today), but it's nice to have the sun out too. I like cold weather where you can cozy up in a nice warm sweater, but sometimes, Cleveland is just too cold. The current daytime highs in the 60s and 70s are great here. I still hate summer though. It is too damn hot. I used to think anything about 80 was too hot for my taste. Unfortunately, It is rare if there is a daytime high below 85 here in the summer. I guess I will have to suffer for one season, so that the other 3 might be more enjoyable.

Argh! Brian and I watched "How I Met Your Mother" this week, and the character Lily had a great quote "boys' stuff is stupid." This was in response to why girls want all guys to get rid of the things they've owned for years. Brian and I thought this was particularly funny because ever since I moved in with Brian, I started putting his things (especially the kitchen stuff) in Camille's room (basically, our storage room). He's been annoyed about it, but to be fair, I did start putting my old stuff in there too once we started receiving the wedding gifts. Anyway, so Brian and I each had a crock pot when we started living together, so to be nice I got Brian's crock pot out last night so I could make pasta fagioli in it today. So boys' stuff turns out to be stupid after all because I had only put the tomatoes and beans in the crock pot when it was nearly full. There was no way 1 lb of ground beef, beef broth, pasta, celery and an onion were going to fit in there too. So I am using my crock pot (the not stupid one) instead.

I also want it known that boys in general are stupid too. Brian and I have run our dishwasher 3 times this week only to have several glasses appear to not be getting clean. So finally, I decided to hand wash them this morning. Guess what?! Turns out the glasses weren't getting clean because they were covered in paint! Yes! You read that right! PAINT!!!!! As previously posted, Brian's parents were here visiting last weekend. While they were here, the big project they worked on with Brian was priming and painting our garage. The builders of the house left unfinished dry wall in the garage, so Brian and his parents sort of finished it last weekend. Well, they decided to clean the brushes and rollers out in the sink without getting all the dishes out of the sink first. I also want it noted that Brian's dad was being a bit stupid too. The guy is a handy man, but obviously doesn't know how to paint. At the end of the day, when you still have more painting to do the next day you have two options: 1) put the roller still with paint in the refrigerator, or 2) clean it and let it dry overnight. Brian's dad was brilliant enough to clean it and then put it in the fridge. That rather defeats the purpose of cleaning it and it keeps the roller from drying overnight so it renders the roller unusable the next day because it makes the paint all watery. Ugh. Boys are stupid. And so it their stuff!